A big welcome to Alma who has just written her first blog for It’s A Small Word. A very honest and personal introduction. So much easier to get to know each other when we make ourselves a little bit vulnerable I think.
I personally GET Alma’s confession regarding the way in which she reads too much into all the signals (or lack of signals) that other people give off. I have to say that pattern of thinking has governed far too much of my life too. It can, and has been, truly debilitating. And it still does affect me sometimes, but thankfully that mostly only happens now at moments when I’m run down and over tired. These days there are times when I positively relish being misunderstood, and maybe even making a point of not explaining myself. It’s a kind of tactic. Looking those fears in the face and saying “Do your worst!” Usually the worst is a tiny fraction of what I imagined.
Just recently I wrote an “angry old man” style letter to the local newspaper here in Campbeltown. There is a hill near us called Ben Gullion, and some friends of mine are in a band called Gullion. On the walk up Ben Gullion there is an information board and it mentions a dance, a lemonade and a boat that were named after the hill. But not the band! In my letter I complained that my friends’ band weren’t mentioned on the board. It was written totally tongue in cheek. As a joke. But of course some people (including my wife initially) thought it was a serious letter. In the past this would have sent me into total recluse mode. Actually in the past I would have never written the letter, I would have only thought it. Now, although it felt slightly uncomfortable for a short while to be “misunderstood” I can actually laugh about it. Also their ARE benefits to people believing that you will fire off an angry letter if push comes to shove. Don’t mess with Moi!
I tell that story not to say “get over yourself” Alma, but just to encourage you with the thought that thought patterns, which can seem to be an inherent part to our personalities, can be overcome. I’m sure you believe that too. As always with this kind of thing, it’s all about taking baby steps.
So it’s fantastic that you faced up to the fear and got back in touch with your friends. It was no doubt a case of “why did I leave it so long?” Ha! We human beans are funny creatures.